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Question: Is Watching Porn Okay?

"My boyfriend really likes to watch porn. I wouldn’t say he’s addicted or anything, and he wants us to watch together, but I’m not into it. We have a good sex life otherwise, and I want to figure out a way to make this okay, but some of my friends say that it’s not normal to watch porn when you’ve got a girlfriend, and even if it is, I don’t know how I can get into it."
Answer:

This is a very common question and concern. Let’s start by dispelling a major porn myth; there is absolutely nothing “unhealthy” or abnormal with watching porn in and of itself. As long as we’re talking about legal adult movies, and as long as everyone who is watching is consenting, there is nothing inherent in pornography that makes it bad. That doesn’t mean that people do use porn in unhealthy ways, watching too much of it or becoming obsessive about it. But people do this with drugs, work, even sports, and we don’t consider those things “evil” (well, some of us do I guess).

Sex therapist Marty Klein says that no one in a healthy sexual relationship would choose porn over sex with their partner. Notice the qualification of “healthy”. It doesn’t sound like this is happening in your relationship, but it’s still worth pointing out that if you feel like you’re being passed over for porn, there’s definitely a problem (although it may be more a problem with the relationship than the porn).

All that said, the way that you and your boyfriend each feel about porn, and the role that porn has in your relationship may be unsatisfactory to you, and you have a right to expect your needs to be addressed here (exactly as much as he has the right to have his needs addressed).

The first thing I want to suggest is that you talk to him about it. Without being judgmental, it would be interesting to know what he likes about porn. Is it the fantasy? Are there things he sees that he wants the two of you to try? Is it boredom or habit?

I also think you should take some time to think about your feelings around porn. Is it something you are interested in at all? If so there are some key things to know about picking movies that might help you out. If you are not interested in making porn a part of your sexual relationship, are you okay with your boyfriend still watching it sometimes? If it feels absolutely wrong to you, can you explain these reasons to him?

Sexuality is so complicated and it goes so deep, that it is unlikely we will ever share all our partners’ sexual interests. To some extent relationship is about compromise, and this may be a time when one or both of you will have to meet somewhere in the middle.

Question: Is Seeing Porn movies Okay?

"My boyfriend truly likes to watch sex movies. I wouldn’t tell he’s addicted or anything, and he desires us to watch in conjunction, but I’m not into it. We have a good sex life in a different way, and I'd like to understand a way to make this okay, but some of my friends tell that it’s not ordinary to watch porno videos when you’ve got a girlfriend, and even if it is, I don’t know how I are able to get into it."
Reply:

This is a utterly common question and agitation. Let’s begin by dispelling a major sex movies myth; exists fully nothing “unhealthy” or anomalous with seeing pornography videos in and of itself. As long as we’re speaking about legal sexual films, and as long as everybody who is seeing is consenting, exists nothing inherent in porno videos that makes it bad. That doesn’t imply that persons do exploit porn videos in unhealthy methods, seeing too much of it or becoming obsessive about it. But persons do this with drugs, work, even sports, and we don’t contemplate those things “evil” (well, some of us do I guess).

Sex therapist Marty Klein tells that nobody in a wholesome adult relation would prefer porn movies over sex with their lover. Observe the qualification of “healthy”. It doesn’t sound like this is event in your relation, but it’s all the same deserve pointing out that if you experience like you’re being passed over for adult movies, there’s positively a matter (in spite of fact that it may be more a matter with the relation than the pornography).

All that told, the way that you and your boyfriend each experience about porn videos, and the part that pornography has in your relation may be lame to you, and you have a right to anticipate your needs to be addressed here (namely as much as he has the right to have his needs addressed).

The prime thing I wish to advise is that you speak to him about it. Without being judgmental, it would be interesting to know what he likes about adult films. Is it the imagination? Are there things he sees that he wishes the couple of of you to attempt? Is it insipidity or habit?

I as well think you must take some time to think about your feels round porno movies. Is it somewhat you are interested in at all? If thus exist some key things to know about picking films that might assist you out. If you are not interested in making porno films a portion of your adult relation, are you okay with your boyfriend nevertheless seeing it at times? If it perceives fully incorrect to you, can you illustrate these motives to him?

Sensuality is thus difficult and it goes thus insightful, that it is scarcely probable we will ever portion all our partners’ adult interests. To some level relation is about compromise, and this may be a time when one or you both will have to meet somewhere in the middle.